Why Do People Really Want to Get Married – Or At Least Be In A Relationship – In Despair?

download (1)According to the Bible, God created man who will rule over the rest of His creations. On the sixth day of His Creation of the Earth, He made Adam. But when He found out that Adam is feeling lonely, He first made the animals for him; but still, Adam felt lonely. So God made him fall asleep, pulled one of his ribs, and then created Eve; and finally, Adam felt happy (Genesis 2:18-23).

Such excerpt from the Holy Scriptures tells us that man has a natural longing for a life partner, with its core concepts varying over time and across cultures and subcultures. But some people tend to become desperate in finding for their other halves – hopeless romantics as they say – to the point that their situations become worse than expected.

Going loco over having as spouse, or at least a boyfriend or girlfriend, has its own aspects similar to that of a human being. Whether a certain reason is good or bad depends on the specific aspect it is connected.

PHYSICAL ASPECT: Some women regard themselves as “damsels in distress” in need of their “knights in shining armor.” In modern talk, these women prefer men of bodyguard material – tall, handsome, mature-looking, and beefy. They think of themselves as Whitney Houston in “The Bodyguard,” or Adele herself. In short, these ladies expect for guys willing to be beside them most of the time – if not ALL the time.

Intimate relationships start with two people present in each other’s eyes physically or virtually (over the Web). But demanding too much of physical presence to your partner, on the other hand, is not really good for you and your relationship.

MENTAL ASPECT: Whether a person is in a relationship already or not yet, too much longing for someone’s physical presence can affect his/her mental health. Aside from physical dependence to his/her partner or relationship prospect, obsession can also occur wherein the person stalks the other and feels threatened to anyone the latter is meeting including immediate family members. In the case of being in a relationship already, the person can also become manipulative in all forms to his/her partner.

EMOTIONAL ASPECT: Hopeless romantics tend to show actions and reactions that cannot be easily explained and justified by themselves. The most common emotional manifestation among them is jealousy – which is somewhat acceptable in some cultures, particularly Latino and Asian, with the belief that it is just a normal thing in any intimate relationship. But the feeling of jealousy by a person of single status for his/her relationship prospect would not be a normal thing on the other hand. Such person tends to attack everyone the other meets with, including immediate family members, face to face, over the phone, and/or even on social media.

The physical, mental, and emotional aspects of desperation towards having a life partner have significant connections with each other. A person who is dependent, obsessed, and feels jealous towards the one he/she “loves” is like a lovebird with no partner. Lovebirds are designed naturally to live in pairs; and in a certain pair, if one bird dies, the other will react negatively with the situation, causing it to die also. Humans are no lovebirds – and should not be – for the earlier have actually their innate abilities to train themselves in living independently and establishing good camaraderie with others; thus good relationships would be formed.

ECONOMIC ASPECT: Wealth sharing is one of the key concepts of marriage – yet it is not an ideal and valid reason to form a marriage or even an intimate relationship. Moreover, wealth should not be the ultimate or even sole criterion for a person to choose his/her life partner.

A person who prefers someone of high socioeconomic stature (e.g. A-list celebrity, politician, high-roller) to be his/her life partner is called a social climber. Lower- to middle-class people engage into social climbing primarily to “climb” themselves up the socioeconomic strata; and relationships formed from social climbing usually have no intimacy involved. Most marriages between two people who both have high socioeconomic statuses also lack in intimacy – the ultimate goal of such marriages is to preserve the wealth and stature of themselves and their families.

SOCIAL ASPECT: The worst part of desperately getting married or being in a relationship lies on its social aspect. Peer pressure is one of the worst factors that contribute to an unhappy marriage or relationship; and its most common form is what we can call as the social deadline. By popular belief, men should get married up to their thirties, and women at their twenties, or else their chances of being single forever will become bigger. Moreover, media has (either unintentionally or deliberately) influenced tweens to enter into intimate relationships as early as their ages – which lead to juvenile pregnancies with some ending up with abortion.

Summing it all up, the biggest reason why some people are desperate to get married or be in a relationship is the need for SECURITY in all aspects. Hopeless romantics tend to become dependent to other people, go frenzy and freak out easily when undesirable things happen, and get driven easily with the “norms” of the world. The best way, according to them, to deal with these issues is to be in an “ideal” relationship and commit themselves to an “ideal” marriage – a not-so-good “idea.” Lack of self-security among hopeless romantics means low self-esteem, thus having issues on inferiority.

The ideal way to treat to treat a hopeless romantic is to have him/her realize that he/she is going the wrong path to love – simple solution but not really a piece of cake. As the popular quote goes, “It is very hard to rescue someone who does not really want to get rescued;” so it is best to get some professional help in dealing with this issue.

 

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