Do you perceive yourself as a bottomless barrel, needing love and yet more love, willing to sacrifice yourself to whoever seeks your company – to the point of being left time and again heart-broken, alone and miserable?
In today’s uncertain world it is so reassuring and comforting to be with someone, have a partner, be in a relationship, feeling both psychologically as well as financially secure and cared for. But then, if the endless need for love drives you to sacrifice yourself, “fall in love” time and again only to be left alone, once more, maybe after being abused, manipulated and lied to, feeling depressed, tired, disillusioned and disappointed, you may want to ask yourself:
What’s going on? How do I fall in this trap time and again? What can I do to stand on my own two feet, to feel comfortable in my own skin without rushing to find a partner?
It might well be that through your rapid and endless search for partner(s) you have never taken the time to contemplate these issues. However now, if you feel that you “had it”; that you can’t “tolerate these repeated occurrences time and again”; that you need “to do something in order to change this cycle!” – then the time is ripe for you to take a careful look into what’s going on and what you can do to change it.
Becoming self-aware is the way to find out what’s going on and how to change
You may ask yourself: Watt’s going on? How come that, in spite of my wishes and willingness to be in a relationship I seem to fail time and again? How come that in spite of the energy and good will that I invest in a partner I find myself, time and again, alone? How come that, in spite of giving myself 100%, “they” don’t seem to appreciate what I give them and after some time they leave?
And you ask yourself: What didn’t I do for love? What didn’t I sacrifice at the altar of the relationship?
Now, that you ask yourself these – and other, questions – it is the right time for you to find out and give yourself the answers. This process – of finding out – will ensure that you will become able and empowered to finally find a partner with whom to develop and maintain a serious, long-lasting, loving relationship.
The secret of finding out what’s going on, and how to change
The “secret” of finding out what’s going on, what have failed you until now in relationships, and how to change, is a simple one: It is the “secret” of becoming self-aware; of getting to know what made you behave with your partners they way you did; of understanding how you shot yourself in the foot in relationships, and what you need to do in order to stop this cycle from reoccurring and become able to establish a successful intimacy.
As you begin the process of becoming self-aware; as you begin to ask yourself questions; as you begin to contemplate your past relationships, you might find out that you have operated on the basis of some predetermined patterns: That you were there for your partners “no questions asked”; that you gave them as much love as you could; that you pampered and cared for them 24/7.
On the surface these all may look wonderful: Isn’t it true love? Isn’t it the way relationships should be?
Realization and understanding of what went wrong with your relationships
As you continue contemplating and wondering why, in spite of all this love and caring your relationships failed time and again, you might begin to realize and understand the following:
That you didn’t allow your relationships to be mutual, but one-sided; that you sacrificed yourself out of fear of losing your partner; that you were there 100% without taking care of your own needs.
When you realize that this was the way you behaved in all your relationships; that these were patterns you developed, the next step for you is to understand what made you behave that way; what made you develop such patterns:
Being honest with yourself, willing to look deep inside and examine yourself, you might realize that, driven by your endless need for love, appreciation and attention, you built yourself the image of a person who is “totally there for others”; who is “full of love”; who is “understanding, supporting and caring” 100% 24/7!
Nice image, for sure, but at what expense?
At the expense of not “allowing” your partner to develop a mutual relationship with you; of not giving your partner space to reciprocate, and eventually at the expense of failing in your relationships time and again.
The “secret” unveiled, you are now ready to embark on developing a successful relationship
It is when you become aware of your own damaging patterns; of the way in which you have shot yourself in the foot in relationships, that you become empowered to make the necessary changes in your attitudes, in your bottomless need for love (which sabotages you until now), and in your approach to partners and relationships.